I have always had a dream of being a stay at home mom. I say dream because seriously that is all it is. It is not a reality and won't be until I am able to retire. Then I will hopefully be a stay at home grandma...
If I were a stay at home mom I would get a little extra sleep in the mornings. I would wake up with the kids and help Mariah get ready for school. I would enjoy breakfast and some educational morning TV with Ethan. I would create activities to do with Ethan that would involve exercise and skill building. I would take him to swim classes and other fun activities that would encourage him to interact with other kids.
If I were a stay at home mom I would always have a clean house. Maybe not always a picked up and orderly house, but the surface would be clean and free of dog hair and dust that seems to pile up in just one day in my house. In the summer the kids and I would have a beautiful garden where we would grow lots of fruits and vegetables. I would teach the kids how to pull weeds and take care of plants to keep them healthy. We would go for long walks and bike rides and take time to enjoy the world around us.
If I were a stay at home mom I would have a couple more kids. I would fill the house with love and family and values that would last a lifetime.
If I were a stay at home mom I would have more time with my family.
This is something that I have struggled with for many years. Maybe being a stay at home mom wouldn't be as beautiful as I have always pictured it. Maybe I wouldn't be as happy as I think I would be...
Life is pretty good now the way that it is... I am not a stay at home mom, but I have managed to find a job that will allow me to leave work at 3pm every day. I have to wake up early and start my work day early, but it's worth it when I am home with the kids a little after 3pm. I do my best to keep the kids involved in sports and fun things like gymnastics. I also make an effort to get Ethan to play dates at places like Monkey Joes and Chuck E Cheese. I start a garden every year and plant lots of flowers. I do my best to pull the weeds and grow delicious fruits and vegetables. Sometimes I succeed. I do my best to pretend that I am a stay at home mom even though I only have about 4-5 hours every night to spend with the family, work on the house, attend fun activities, help with homework, make a healthy dinner, and instill lifelong values. 4-5 hours is a pretty good amount of time every day. Yes, I wish it were longer, but this is the life we chose. Cory and I have weighed all of our options a million times and have tried to find a way where I could be a stay at home mom. Unfortunately we have never been able to come up with a good solution. I do well with this way of life most of the time, but once in a while I have a day like today. A day where I wake up in the morning and all I want to do is stay home with the kids. Stay home and spend a day with my family. A day filled with snuggles from Ethan. Today Ethan woke up and was very unhappy. He was tired and not ready to start his day. He cried when I left him at daycare today. :-( I am sure he is fine and having a great time now, but it was heart breaking to leave him this morning. Today is a day where I am wishing that I was a stay at home mom.